I had deleted this exact blog post not too long ago, when I got into this “nobody cares, so why even have this blog?” That was obviously me at a low. But I really do want people to know my testimony. My journey so I’m reposting this, regardless if it speaks to anyone. Its how I feel and feelings are not meant to be bottled up.
I need a redo on life. The overwhelmed me needs a new start. Where can she get one? I don’t like the way she’s treating herself. I don’t like the way she’s reacting to things. I want her to see the light peaking through the darkness, but she’s too comfortable there. She’s ok in no way. But she goes through the days like dreams of horrible realities. As if she’s gonna wake up and it’ll all be different, but it won’t this is the real world. The real world hurts. The real world can feel. But she’s become numb to emotions that are happy, that are real just as real as the pain, but she won’t accept it. Cause she knows it’s not long til it’s the pain again. I wish she wasn’t so hard on herself, I wish she would see it’s not end of the world. She can’t focus anymore, she’s struggling to keep up, she’s falling off . Work isn’t easy, she’s struggling to meet her goal. Home isn’t easy, she’s struggling to do things that would come naturally, but now are just hard. She really doesn’t know what to do. She feels alone, she feels lost, she feels so much but she sometimes would rather feel nothing at all. Who does she turn to? Since she’s got a boyfriend and a family not many friends are around, she can’t always expect him to have all the answers to her cries for help. Yet another way to discourage her, just another reason causing her to hold her breath. When does it stop? She wants to be better. She wants it it just seems unattainable . Out if reach and damn near impossible, it’s just the way her mind is set up. She doesn’t know how to train her thoughts to go in another direction, a healthy one. So it continues, the anxiety, the sleepless nights, inability to focus, forgetting everything, it’s so fucked up but she feels like she can’t go to anyone, so who comes to her? Who saves her? Everyone is caught up in their own lives, they don’t always genuinely check up on those friends, or maybe they do and they lie and say everything is fine. That’s the worst part. It’s hard admitting your life o in shambles, it’s hard trying to find the right direction, obsessing over a million ways to fix it and getting no where. She would like a redo on life, she would love to become a better version of herself. How does she do that? Where does she start? Who does she turn too? #depression #anxiety #mentalillnessawarness #whereisthelight #shescryingforhelp #canyouhearher